Revisiting the Baby Sitter's Club (1995)
what a self-interested 23 year old has to say about it
I felt it was about time I look at the child inside, and look after her for a little bit. This June I’m looking at a summer of no responsibilities - so why does that feel like the heaviest burden? I am not the {insert important person job here} I thought I was going to be at 23. So I pretend I’m on the bed that looks the part of an 80s Laura Ashley catalogue, scrolling through the social media of the person who landed my dream job, (the one that cost me hours of sleep over the interview), attending the 5 year anniversary party of The Face Magazine relaunch at The Standard Hotel. Meanwhile, I'm asphyxiated under the weight of my thoughts of inadequacy, self-hatred, and helplessness.
Not the most life-altering thought. I tend to get myself down about how naive and un-profound my thoughts are, and then I trivialise my emotions. I turn away from them, because I think they might cripple me in the ‘real world’ with ‘big people’. Most of the time I fail to acknowledge that this voice is real, and valid as anything else. So to reel back and state again, I’m figuring out what it means to be nothing.
Allowing myself to be unruly, chaotic, messy, and to be brave to show up as exactly that is a fear I’ve had for so long, that everyone will know how much of a graceless fraud I am. I have a hard time processing these emotions without externalising them; and I find that this causes a negative effect primarily on my relationships. For example, having done nothing to provoke these feelings in me, I had urge to block 3 of the people I considered close friends on social media. I imagined it would be a harmless action they would take no notice of. When I feel like this, I resent those people who don’t include me in their oh-so sophisticated dinner, weekend, and travel plans. An anger wells up in me - the voice says ‘don’t they honour loyalty, respect, and friendship?’. For as long as I can remember it has felt like I’ve made myself small to support these people, so small to the point that I’ve become almost forgettable. I take up much less space in their lives now, but who can I be mad at apart from myself?
I know this is a pattern of mine, and because I don’t know how to transmute it, I resist it because I have already made myself feel bad for blaming these people - it sends me into a spiral of self-hatred again.
What was this post about again? Oh right - the Baby Sitter’s Club. (smooth enough transition? *cough cough*) I found myself googling ‘How to feel innocent again’. I don’t think I wanted to hear the answer google was going to offer: the feeling came with the act of typing. Soon, I was compelled to list all of the films I enjoyed watching as a child, and films I wished I had watched - if only they had it at the DVD store. The Babysitter’s Club is a franchise (books, OG TV show, movie, TV show reboot!) about these girls who start a business in Stoneybrook, Connecticut. Busy parents desperate for a babysitter call in and book one of the girls, and the club allocate depending on their availability. The girls individually, of course, have their own hobbies, passions, and interests - those relics of the 90s like quality time with family, arts and crafts, etc.
First things first, I want Bre Blair’s hair (Stacey).
The little girl inside me just marvelled at the entrepreneurial spirit of Kristy. Experience has told me that nostalgia is that one distinct pathway in my brain for happiness. Watching this film gave me permission for my body to feel joyous in a way I haven’t felt in so long - but its not just the nostalgia talking. I’m trying to pinpoint what exactly about the story holds me.
Acceptance and Freedom
This world embodies the freedom and acceptance I yearn for - where friendships are pure, emotions and validated, and everyone is allowed to be their authentic selves without fear of judgement or rejection. It’s a call to reclaim all those unruly and unordered parts of myself, to show up authentically, and to allow others to see and accept me as I am. It’s about understanding that being 'nothing' in the conventional sense doesn’t equate to being worthless. Instead, it opens up a space for me to redefine success on my own terms and nurture the parts of myself that have been overshadowed by the pressures to conform and excel. I can begin to shed the weight of unmet expectations and pressures, finding joy of being myself.
Friendships
Each of the girls gets to navigate their flaws and their strengths, and they support one another through thick and thin. It’s a nostalgic connection to a simpler time when emotions were unfiltered. It comforts me to know that a group of friends can share in the knowing that its okay to be imperfect and vulnerable. It touches upon the wounded aspects of myself, the part of me that strives to be the person in the room who ‘knows the right people’, knows the best spots in the city, or the person who has the most access. This has been my metric of value of self-worth for as long as I can remember. But does this speak to the innate value of the relationships in my life? Seeing a glimpse of that in the friendships shown in this franchise, prompts me to reframe the existing definitions of mine.
What do I even mean by ‘nothing’ anyway?
In the context of our lives and self-worth, 'nothing' often represents the absence of the tangible markers of success or identity that society values. It signifies a state of being where one is not defined by accomplishments, status, or external validations. You’d understand why I’d be so pegged down about the ‘nothingness’ when you take into account how success at a job interview seemingly depend on all of these things. ‘The Baby Sitter’s club’ reminds me that this 'nothing' is a blank canvas, a space where we can redefine our values, priorities, and sense of self. The characters find value in the everyday experience- they create something from the space of ‘nothing’. This process of creation is not confined to the naivety of youth or the fictional nature of their world. We can create in innocence at any age. Innocence, which is often only associated with youth, can be redefined as a state of openness and willingness to engage with life’s experiences without preconceived notions. This reflects the existential belief that life’s meaning is not inherent but must be created through our choices and actions.
90s kid nostalgia
I’m not a 90s kid, but I can recall the 2000s had equally whimsical elements. From the colourful scrunchies and oversized denim jackets to the cluttered bedrooms adorned with posters, every detail captures that nostalgia without being kitsch. The clunky landline phones, the charm of handwritten notes, and the earnestness of after-school hangouts capture the essence of growing up in the 90s. The visuals condense all those vibrant details, creating a heartfelt homage to the decade and evoking a wistful warmth for anyone who lived through it.
Have you have ever looked at an childhood picture of yourself and felt so disconnected to it?
Yeah, yeah - it’s a kids movie. It clearly transcends kitschiness to deliver real emotional depth that resonates with that place of innocence. I highly recommend revisiting children’s books and films (not just Home Alone on Christmas Eve). Look past its sell-by date and take the viewing experience as a time to communicate with that child that is always present within you. Yes this is a weird way to end the post, but I consider it finished.
I’m outtie,
{gestures peace sign}